Looking for Validation in All The Wrong Places? (Audio included.)

Audio (mp3) for Looking for Validation in All The Wrong Places



Hi, it’s Michele. Thank you for joining me for this segment of Chaplain Michele, looking for validation in all the wrong places, looking for validation in all of the wrong places.

What am I talking about? It’s really very simple. When we talk about spirit, soul, body coherence, meaning spirit, illuminating the soul, which then dictates behavior and speech, we have a tendency because of the incongruence, to look for validation from people who cannot give it. 

By virtue of our existence coming into the world. However that happened, we are validated because the universe. However you define that, has given its permission for us to exist. That is the validation. 

Now, when we come into the world, the idea is for us not only to leave better as as, as having explored and fully, um, achieved transcendent, transform transcendent living or lives, but it is also to leave others. And the things that we came into better, and we have failed miserably at this. 

We have moments, we have demonstrated that we have the capability and the capacity to do it. We just have not done it as a whole because we are seeking from others something they were never designed to give. Our validation comes from our existence because when we come into the world, we all get the same amount of time.


Uh, we all, our bodies all pretty much function the same. I understand that there are some exceptions to that. So this is not try, I’m not trying to take into account every nuance of every circumstance and every situation. 

Generally speaking, we come into the world. That is the validation that we are to exist. 

We come into a world, into an, an environment that is driven by spiritual forces, unseen things. In fact, we were unseen before we came into the world. So the purpose of coming into the world is, is for manifestation. And we talk about that as a trend, that manifestation is really a principle of the universe, and it’s not something that, that, that we can manipulate, although we think we can. 

That’s part of our, that’s part of our, uh, imperfection. That’s part of our challenge as human beings because we have a myth of control that is not necessarily accurate. That being said, what happens is we begin to seek from other imperfect, fallible human beings, validation for our existence when the universe has already validated us by causing us or allowing us to exist.


So when we talk about things like wellness and wellbeing and mental health and challenges, it’s because we continue to look at the imperfect in infallible to validate us. 

Now, can we have compassion? Most certainly. Can I take my bad experiences, my lessons learned in the school of hard knocks and share them with you in the hope that it will elevate and encourage you to take a path that is less challenging? Most certainly, that’s what we’re supposed to do. That’s what I hope these conversations, this dialogue that I’m sharing with you is about whether we ever talk personally or not. 

My hope is that you are challenged to consider your life and what that really means and why you’re really here. So yes, we’re supposed to be compassionate and empathetic, but we cannot be that that’s part of being transformed. That’s part of the transcendence. We cannot be that until we’ve dealt with our stuff, our ish, our baggage, until we look at the things that we insist on not looking at. Because it is easier to project, it is easier to detract and distract than it is to actually look at ourselves and figure out what the heck is going on with us.


But I don’t need, you don’t need validation from someone else to exist. That is a conditioning, that is a conditioning by a society that chooses to oppress rather than to elevate. Now, if we are to move forward as a human race, which is why we’re here, by the way, then we have to deal with us first. We have to look in the mirror every day, and some of us don’t like doing that. And when we do look in the mirror, we, we super impose on that image or what that feedback is something that may not be accurate


Unless we are self-aware. So I’ll use myself for an as an example because I don’t need to use anyone else’s story. I have enough of my own when I go to look in the mirror. I am okay with who I am at this moment. That doesn’t mean I like everything. It means I’m okay. It mean that I have everything I want or or feel like I believe I have everything I need. Doesn’t mean I have everything I want. It doesn’t mean I can’t get better, do better. It doesn’t mean I don’t have days. It means that when I look in the mirror, I’m okay. I have a clear conscience, I’m good.


And from that standpoint, I am good in the pursuit of peace, I am good at understanding, okay, Michele, these are the things that you need to do to be better, become a better person. You need to continue down this path. But first I had to understand why I might not have been doing those things before. I had to deal with my ish and on a daily basis I have to continue to deal with it. How many of you know that there is something coming for us every single day, if not in a manifested form, in a spiritual form?


We have to be very cognizant that there is always something there, particularly in this world that wants to invalidate our existence. But it can’t. It doesn’t have the power of the authority. I don’t care how much words come. I don’t care how many, uh, strategies or approaches or devices. Nothing has the authority to invalidate your existence. Now, here is the catch. You can invalidate your own existence. Doesn’t mean you cease to exist because we’re all going to exist in a form, right? We existed in a form before we got here, and we’re going to exist in a form once we leave here. That’s a universal law regardless of your religious beliefs. The spiritual law of the universe says that we exist in some form.


We think that if we can’t see it, it doesn’t exist. But that goes against every single thing, every single principle of the universe because we can talk about ideas which we cannot see until they exi, until they exist or manifest. So existence is not the same as manifestation. Manifestation is proof of existence. Manifestation says this existed or that it does exist. 

We look at the outside first and then try to make a determination about that when we do not understand the root, which is spiritual. That’s what you’ll hear me say all the time, spirit first, your spirit first and our challenge individually and and therefore collectively, is that we don’t get that thing right there. So we are okay with walking around doing whatever we think we can and should and would do be, but we are operating against or out of alignment with what the universal principles are.


Why are we all here? Okay? It’s not just about you or me. Why are we all here? We are here to advance the cause of the universe. More specifically the cause of the human race. We are to come into the world with hope and promise even though we, some of us come into some different situations and circumstances. I get it. We come into different families, different cultures, different countries. That doesn’t mean that we are to focus on those differences because at the end of the day, the differences are what we have to overcome to prove humanity.


So race is not a valid invalidation, right? You can’t use race as a valid invalidation because the universe says it’s okay racially and culturally for us to exist in these different forms, in these different ways. So we can’t go to each other with cultural differences or these differences that we have. That is our thing because it makes us feel better about ourselves. But we are out of alignment with the universe, which then means that we’re not able to function individually and collectively the way that we need to or at the level that we need to, where we can function in abundance and love and peace and joy because we’re out of alignment with the universal principle which says, you’re all human. We look at it as well, they’re not human because, but you don’t have that. You can’t make that call because you weren’t the one that gave approval.


If it exists, the universe has given approval for it to exist. But the challenge for us is understanding why we are very negatively oriented. I’m not going to go into all of the spiritual principles behind that in this segment, but there are some spiritual, spiritual principles behind that. 

We come into an environment that is rife with challenges because those challenges are what are is what is are those challenges. Let me slow down. I’m getting ahead of myself. Those challenges are what is supposed to cause us to be more human, not less human being. Animalistic is the basis instinct, right? Just responding, just doing whatever I want. That’s easy.


But when we, you have thrown things thrown at you every day, every single day, you have to think about what kind of person you’re gonna be. And we don’t like doing that. But at the same time, I will remind you, you as a human, I as a human, we don’t have the capacity or the authority to invalidate someone else’s existence. 

And for those of us that have played into that and somehow believed in it, I used to believe it. Then we have to understand, well, yeah, I hear you. I understand you have challenges with me being here existing, but that doesn’t invalidate my existence. That doesn’t invalidate me as a person. I’m still on this journey just like you are. I don’t care how many people tell you they’ve got it together. None of us have it together. It is impossible because we are imperfect. However, there is hope.


There is hope for transformation and transcendence. So where we come in at a low point technically, even though we celebrate births and all, all of the life events that carry us through community, people that do love us, people that do affirm us in some way, people that care about us and love us, and even those that challenge us, we come in at a low point. 

So here’s how we see it. We see it as the birth being the high point, and then we have these subsequent life events that bring us down, including aging. But here, here’s the challenge. Here’s what I challenge you to think about. Being born is the low point. We’re supposed to leave at a high point, even though physically, physically, we have to shed the physicality of our humanity in order to actually transcend it. But while we are here, we are strengthening our spirituality and our character so that when we go back into a non-existent spiritual place, we are at peace. We leave peace behind peace and unconditional love should be the legacy that should be each of our legacies.


We play to the short term. We don’t play to eternity, but time is manifested eternity. You cannot separate where we live in time, 24/7/365 from eternity. You can’t separate it. Eternity is invisible. We can’t see it, but it still exists. 

The universe, God, Super Creator, uh, Educator, Higher Power, whatever terminology you want to use gives permission the universe through the universe to allow us to exist. We come in at a low point. We’re supposed to leave at a higher point so that when we leave, we are at peace and our legacy is peace and unconditional love. What happens then? Other people step into that legacy rather than a legacy of dysfunction and toxicity and tragedy and trauma, and they then can take up that mantle and do the same for others.


I’m not here to tell you what to do. Do we need to be able to govern? Yes, but the governing optimally is self-governance. In the meantime, we have people that have been assigned to help us, right? Our rebellion sometimes against authority. Well, let me go back. I’m not here to tell you what to do, but you shouldn’t also have to tell me what to do. We should be self-governing, and I don’t mean self-governing as in lawless. There is lawless. There is such a thing as government. There is such a thing as doing the right thing, because, and no one has to tell you to do it. We all know the difference between right and wrong, but until we deal with our stuff and the reasons why we do what we do or don’t, then we can’t really see that, and we will use the negative as it’s as if it’s a positive.


But people who are in touch with their true humanity, which is indeed fallible and lower than our spirituality, we, it’s, it’s like, okay, I made a mistake. It’s, it’s not a problem to say, I’m sorry. Will you forgive me? Even if we think we’re right, it’s not a problem to say, you know what? I love you, but I don’t necessarily agree with that. It’s not a problem. We make it a problem because we play to the short term, which is the life we have here, but it this life, what we call life, which really isn’t life. But anyway, this period of time that we’re given is part of eternity. It’s not separate.


That’s why your spirituality, my spirituality is of the utmost importance. We are here for transformation. That leads to transcendence. I was born as a babe, as an infant, but I’m not supposed to stay an infant. Spirit. Soul or body. Maturity is not a bad word. Maturity is not a profane word. Our bodies may age in ways that we do or don’t like, but we are actually supposed to be better people. When we leave, regardless of what the body does or doesn’t do, it’s about how we handle those things that come at us. What are we helping? Are we helping each other to get through this thing called life and to become transformed individuals?


Or are we digging our own graves, so to speak, by putting people down? Because when we dismiss others, when we diminish others, suppress, oppress, ignore, distract, detract, blame, whatever you wanna call it, whatever form it comes in. When we do that, we have first diminished ourselves. You cannot invalidate my existence just like I cannot invalidate yours. We were not put here to focus on our differences. We were put here to deal with the commonality of our human existence and leverage the differences to help each other accomplish what we need to accomplish to be transformed transcendent individuals.


So consider the source. If you have people today that continually, I don’t care. I don’t care who they are, I don’t care what they look like, that’s not what this is about. That’s not, that’s not my thing. You have to decide in your own life where you have people. This doesn’t mean that you even have to step out of their lives or get out of the way. What I’m saying is you have to decide, are you going to accept the fact that the universe is given, has validated you? It doesn’t mean you’re perfect. It doesn’t mean you’re gonna get everything right.


Validation is not the same as perfection. You’re validated because you’re here. Even if you haven’t figured out why yet, I’m trying to help you with that. But even if you personally haven’t figured that out, I can’t do that for you. I can help you. I can give you some clues. I can share some of my experiences with you, which I’m, is what I’m trying to do or what I’m doing. But can you accept the fact that the universe has validated your existence by allowing you to be here and no one can take that away from you.


Every time we focus on a difference, we are purposely trying to discount someone else’s existence. It’s not diversity is naturally occurring. Nobody has to talk to you about diversity. You know when you’re different, whatever the difference is, that’s not the thing. The thing is, when we try to wedge difference by using difference, we try to wedge or disconnect people from systems and communities because they’re different when in fact we were put here as human beings. The universe doesn’t see our differences, the universe. 

So if you think about it, think about it in these terms, and I’m gonna use the terminology, God. So walk with me. God, in infinite wisdom with the universe, an infinitely existent system has said, Michele gets to be a person now because of how this system works, this world system. Then I come in and I get conditioned. I’m fortunately I was born into a loving family, a supportive family.


I have this great support system, so support system, but there are things and have been things along the way that have tried to say, no, Michele, you don’t get the right to exist. You’re not, you’re not as good as some others. You’re to this not enough of that. You look like this, but you don’t look like that. You have enough of this, but you don’t have enough of that. Those are all cues that we send to each other in how we do or do not act what we say or do not say how we look at each other or how we don’t. Those are cues that we try to send to Yvette and validate each other. But that’s not how the universe sees us. That’s not how God sees us. God sees us all as human beings.


So for those of you that believe in judgment, and I’m not gonna go deep here cause I know everybody, people get a little weird. I’ll go into this in some other segment on another podcast, but if you believe in judgment, you gotta understand he’s not gonna come to you and ask you about your differences. <laugh>. He’s not gonna come to you and ask you how much better you were than someone else. That’s not the basis that the universe uses and we’ve gotta understand this. That’s why I talked to you about your spirituality. You gotta get it together. 

You’ve gotta get out of your own way. But we’ve gotta get out of each other’s way and start to link arms to walk through this thing with that we call life. That really isn’t life because until we are helping each other, to elevate each other to become transformed and transcendent, we are not living, and I’m not talking about individual. We’ve had a lot of individuals come along, we’ve tried to discount some of them both while they were here and posthumously. But you can’t. You can’t invalidate what the universe has approved or validated already.


The universe does not see us as individuals with differences. It allowed us to be here, which means the difference was built in it’s naturally occurring or naturally reoccurring generation after generation after generation. The universe is also self-correcting. It’s self-sufficient and it’s self-governing. So let me ask you this. In the light of the universe, you, me alone with your gut, because that is what we’re gonna be judged on. That’s what the universe is looking at. When I say the universe is watching, that’s what I’m talking about. It’s not looking at, oh, how you differentiate yourself from everybody else. 

The universe is like, well, you’re really no different. You’re human, you’re imperfect and you’re infallible. The question is, once you recognize that, what are you doing to leverage the resources that you are given that are evident regardless of how big or small you think they might be? Great or small, you think they might be. How are you leveraging those resources to become a better person who then helps other people become better people? That’s the question.


Some of these things we spend our lives and our time on is moot. It doesn’t even matter. It gives us some short-term satisfaction that we will eternally either be rewarded for, well, we’re gonna be rewarded one way or the other. Reward is not always good. Reward just means you get a payback for what you did or didn’t do. There’s going to be some eternal compensation. That doesn’t mean it’s gonna be good. We think compensation, we think money. No, we think good reward. Good. We’ve done that. No, but reward can be bad karma. That’s reward. You reap what you saw. That’s a reward.


Do we control everything? No, we don’t control everything. That’s exactly the point. So why are we acting like we do? Then we wonder why. Well, where is God in the situation? Well, he’s waiting for you to get it together so he can use you to help somebody else. He’s waiting. <laugh> don’t get hung up on the gender reference. God is waiting for us to say, you know what? I’m really the pits right? See, we think that’s a bad thing. No, it’s not a bad thing. It’s actually very liberating to be quite honest with you. Oh, I don’t have to be perfect, huh? Let me take a deep breath.


It’s very liberating. But before you get there, you have to understand that you can’t, your existence can’t be invalidated if you’re here, you have you. There’s a purpose. I could go on as you can probably tell, but I wanna challenge us as always, I wanna challenge us to really think about this stuff cuz we are a hot mess and we don’t have to be. We are this way in many instances because this is what we’ve chosen. Not in all but in many, in too many instances. So the challenge is isn’t to all of you who might be listening, the challenge is to you, what are you doing? What does your life look like? If you were to transition out of here today, would you be transing and I mean passing out of manifested eternity into eternity itself? Would you be transitioning as someone who has transformed and transcendent?


Because if not, the universe will reward you for that. Just like it’ll reward me for what I did or didn’t do with every resource that I was given. First and foremost, the very breath that I breathe. We may not all, we do not all have the same thing we did, not all, whatever we have come into the same circumstances. We don’t even have the same circumstances now. But even despite the differences, the diversity of circumstances, there are some things in common that we are being held accountable for. And when, until we start paying more attention to what we have in common than what is different, we will continue to reap the harvest of trauma and tragedy and foolishness and everything else that we’re reaping.


Are you willing to take up the challenge? Are you willing to look in the mirror and deal with your own stuff even though I, I promise you this, I’ll talk more about this too. It’s a painful process. We don’t like pain, so we avoid it. We wanna tell somebody else, we wanna project and deter and distract and delay. No, it’s painful <laugh>, cuz you have to deal with some stuff about yourself. It doesn’t mean that people haven’t hurt us or harmed us or aren’t trying to hurt us or harm us even now. But we have to get to a place where we’re okay and we can say, I have to consider the source. 

I forgive them because I need to keep moving. We’ll talk about forgiveness soon as well because we think that forgiveness means the other person is off the hook. No, it just means that you are no longer subjugated to it to that behavior.


But I need you to think about today, I ask you, I implore, I challenge you to think about today who you are, not who somebody else is. Cuz if that’s how you position yourself, that’s not, that reward is not gonna be a good one. There’s the universe and there’s us and we have to understand that our humanity is woefully inferior to a universe and we don’t even know everything about. 

It’s woefully inferior to those things that we think we know. But where our power is, is that we work in alignment with the universe to bring unity, to bring wholeness, to bring completeness, to replenish our resources, to replenish not just nature, natural resources, environmental, because that’s part of the process. That’s a resource we’ve been given. We are supposed to put back what we take away from, but our personal resources, how am I uplifting you or contributing to you spiritually? How am I helping you to become a better person? If I have a cam two cans of food, am I willing to give you one?


We don’t have a resource problem in this world. We have a distribution problem. And the distribution problem is based on exactly what I’m talking to you about right now because we don’t wanna see everybody succeed, but the universe is waiting for us to get that together. And once we do and we become grateful for that, even starting where we are, I don’t like, I don’t necessarily, I used to not like where I was in life, any part of it, but I started thanking, being grateful for just being here alive. And then I would bless that I’d do it even now perfectly. Nope. But consistently, thank you. And I bless this thank you and I bless it. I don’t like this mess, but I thank you and I bless it.


And soon things turn around and what I’m encouraging us to do is to engage in a consistent personal practice. We, especially when when things are going the way we want, we think they’re supposed to go. We don’t have a problem saying thank you. The challenge is when it’s not. Thank you and I bless it. Same thing with love. That’s why we have such a difficult time with love. I think I have to like you to love you. Nope. The principle of love is greater than the feeling of like I don’t have to like you to love you.


Transcendence. I have to transform. I trade the emotional for the spiritual, which one is greater. Supernatural is going to beat natural any day, but natural is a reflection of supernatural. We are supposed to be healthy whole individuals, but we can’t get there alone. We need each other. You cannot put a notion of your validation in the hands of people that never had the authority to validate you. 

Your existence is proof that you are validated now. What you do with your existence that’s walking out your purpose. 

My name is Michele. 

Thank you for joining me for this segment of Chaplain Michele. 

I’ll see you next time. Bye-bye.